Yes, my dears, I’m still tap-tap-tapping out my screenplay, still getting very little sleep, and still drinking too much coffee. The good news is that I have taken several showers since we last spoke, so that’s an improvement.
Also, I managed to pound out the first of many week-in-review type posts for Publishing Renaissance. Check it out.
I promised updates on my screenwriting progress during April’s Script Frenzy frenzy.
I’ve slept an average of 4 hours a night since this began. My head hurts. I’m out of coffee. I’m almost out of dark chocolate covered espresso beans. I forgot to shower yesterday. But as of this morning I’ve got 27/100 pages written (it’ll probably be closer to 120 pages, or a two hour screenplay, when all is said and done). And I think I’ve finally got a handle on how to adapt my bohemoth novel into a two-hour movie.
Auditions soon for the following roles:
Tess
Brian
Rachel
Zeke
Tim
Corey (aha! A composite character not in the novel.)
Other assorted characters
Director
Producer
Cinematographer
Person who owns 2 cameras, lighting/sound equipment
Lighting dudes
Sound dudes
Craft Services
Person with lots and lots and lots and lots of disposable income
Extras
Other assorted behind the scenes people
Budget: $0
Tempting, no?
You may have noticed that there’s been a lack of all things convenience store related here at Da Blog in the past few weeks. Well, there’s a reason for that. It seems that recently, more and more of my townsfolk (and thus my customers) have become aware of Kel The Convenience Store Clerk’s superhero alter-ego, aka R.J. Keller, and thus have begun to Google said pseudonym. I’m waiting for the initial hullabaloo to die down before continuing my faithful reporting on the topic, since I like being able to walk into town without having rotten veggies thrown my way.
Speaking of food, I woke up with a horrendous sweet tooth this morning. I could easily have scarfed down – on my own – an entire chocolate cake in one sitting. Thankfully I hate to cook, so there was no chocolate cake in the house. I had to make due with Strawberry Pop Tarts. (Hi Robin!!)
On another completely unrelated topic, you know those squirrels we’ve been harboring for nigh on three years? Turns out the little fuckers have been stealing the insulation from our walls to use for their squirrel home(s). To quote Shakespeare:
I hate ingratitude more in a squirrel
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
Poets often laud spring as a beautiful season, alive with new possibilities and promise. April showers bringing may flowers, apple blossoms glistening star like in the morning mist, love flourishing midst the woodland animals. That kind of crap.
These poets have obviously never spent the springtime month of April in Maine. Because in Maine April is a grey, filthy, depressing month. One filled with showers, yes, but the kind that bring mud long before flowers; the kind that fill bogs and swamps with stagnant water that will eventually come alive only with mosquitoes whose lone promise is a progeny who will continue to haunt and hover throughout the summer.
For those of you who follow the goings-on at Publishing Renaissance, you may be interested to check out some of the exciting new changes that are afoot there.
Oh…and we were mentioned on April Hamilton’s 10 Best Blogs for Indie Authors! We’re wicked excited about that!
In other news, I’m going to be participating in Script Frenzy again, a “write 100 pages of a screenplay in 30 days” challenge. April 1-30. This year’s script? You guessed it. I’m going to be working on an adaptation of Waiting For Spring. Yes…again! It’s not cheating, though, since I’m starting from scratch. Last year I managed to write 106 pages, which technically means I “won,” but since I only managed to get 1/3 of the book adapted in those 106 pages, I don’t look at it as a victory. I think I can really do it this time, though. I just needed some time away from the novel, some distance so I could ruthlessly cut characters and subplots and get to the meat of the story like a good adaptation is supposed to do. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
In the meantime, appropos of nothing, enjoy this Coldplay video. For some reason “Speed of Sound” puts me in a good writing mood. Plus, I really dig this video. Chris Martin is so damned hot. I could just eat him with a spoon.
Last night at work, a customer called me “hot,” and he did it without a trace of irony or jest. I suppose I should take it as compliment, because it is a compliment. But he’s only 19. He’s literally half my age. He’s only five years older than my son. Technically speaking, I could have given birth to the guy. So instead of feeling flattered, all I could think was, “Ick!” I didn’t say it, naturally. Actually, I don’t remember what I said. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “Ick.”
Love requires absolute devotion.
“As you wish.”
But sometimes a little bit of healthy cynicism is a good thing.
“Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Is this a kissing book?”
Patience is a virtue.
“You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”
Be sure to get a detailed job description.
“You never said anything about killing anyone.”
Always keep a holocaust cloak handy.
“Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.”
Scientists must be watched closely. Very closely.
“As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that’s all this is except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life.”
Keep vaccinations up to date.
“I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”
Learn to delegate.
“You know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped!”
Sometimes you find a richer reward when unexpected events change your plans.
“When I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it’s going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night.
If a psychotic, six-fingered man slaughters your father, commit a very clever, very cool line to memory that you can whip out at a moment’s notice in the event you run into him along your travels. Practice it on every new acquaintance.
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
But the most important lesson I learned, even though I knew it before I saw The Princess Bride, was the joy a good book can bring:
“When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.
Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…”
And speaking of books, my latest post is up at Publishing Renaissance. Check it out!
Joe Glasgow!!! Congratulations Joe! And thanks to everyone who entered and helped me to spread the word about my novel. Stay tuned for more giveaways in the near future…
Thanks to everyone who participated in the “Win an autographed copy of Waiting For Spring” contest! The following names will go into the sombrero Monday morning (yes, it’s a literal sombrero):
Joe Glasgow
Shannon Yarbrough
Jen O
Hoosiertoo
Kaitlyn (who entered on my MySpace blog, where I also posted this contest).
The winner will be announced Monday morning. 🙂
In the meantime, here’s that Neil Diamond song I was talking about last week. (Thanks Robin and H2!)
To celebrate the first weekend of spring, I’ve decided to give away an autographed copy of “Waiting For Spring.” Here’s all you have to do to enter.
Mention the book in a blog post, your Facebook or MySpace profile, or on Twitter. Then come back here and post the link to the mention in the comments section of this post. How easy is that? Wicked easy! (If you’ve already mentioned the book before, that counts. Just leave the link here.)
The contest will run all weekend, ending Sunday, March 22, at 11:00 P.M. EDT. I’ll write each name on a piece o’ paper and draw the winner from my trusty sombrero on Monday morning at 9:00 A.M. EDT (or when I crawl out of bed, whichever comes first.) I’ll even post a video of the drawing to make things all fair and square.
Happy posting! And good luck!
R.J. Keller 