Everything I need to know I learned from The Princess Bride

princess-bride-poster1Love requires absolute devotion.

“As you wish.”

But sometimes a little bit of healthy cynicism is a good thing.

“Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Is this a kissing book?”

Patience is a virtue.

“You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”

Be sure to get a detailed job description.

“You never said anything about killing anyone.”

Always keep a holocaust cloak handy.

“Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.”

 Scientists must be watched closely. Very closely.

“As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that’s all this is except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life.”

Keep vaccinations up to date.

“I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”

Learn to delegate.

“You know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped!”

Sometimes you find a richer reward when unexpected events change your plans.

“When I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it’s going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night.

 If a psychotic, six-fingered man slaughters your father, commit a very clever, very cool line to memory that you can whip out at a moment’s notice in the event you run into him along your travels. Practice it on every new acquaintance.

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

 But the most important lesson I learned, even though I knew it before I saw The Princess Bride, was the joy a good book can bring:

“When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.
Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…”


And speaking of books, my latest post is up at Publishing Renaissance. Check it out!


About R.J. Keller

R. J. Keller is the author of Waiting For Spring. An avid independent movie enthusiast, she was Managing Editor of The Movie Fanatic website and created episodes of the writer-centric YouTube series, Inside The Writers' Studio, with author Kristen Tsetsi. She co-hosted Book Chatter with Stacey Cochran from 2011-2014. She lives in Central Maine with her family, where she enjoys gardening, collecting geeky memorabilia, and watching other people cook. View all posts by R.J. Keller

10 responses to “Everything I need to know I learned from The Princess Bride

  • Ing

    LOL…this is awesome! I LOVE The Princess Bride.

  • Joe Glasgow

    I never read the book, but I have I seen the movie twice. I was young the first time, last year was the second time. But a young woman I know has told me in the past that I should read it. Not sure why…

    And I also like that article on Publishing Renaissance. You made many good points. But I must say, as for the “success story” part, I always feared success. I know it sounds odd, but it’s true. I prefer that “small, loyal fanbase” you mentioned.

  • Lori Tiron-Pandit

    Who is the Princess Bride? I woke up at 3 o’clock this morning and I don’t get anything. A book and a movie? It sounds filled with wisdom. I don’t know. I’m going to read your Publishing Renaissance post now and make no sense of that one either.

  • micalia

    I love that movie! Great use of the line in the flick!

  • R.J. Keller

    Ing…Me too!!! The Princess Bride is quite possibly the most perfect movie ever made.

    Joe…as awesome as the movie is (see above comment to Ing) the book is even better!!! TOTALLY worth the price.

    Lori…you must see this movie and/or read the book. I cannot stress to you how much I think you’ll love it. SO funny!

    Micalia…welcome!!! And thank you for your comment! 😀

  • robinaltman

    This was one of my favorite books, ever! Ah! What wonderful memories this post brought back. I’ve just been listening to MaryJanice Davidson’s Queen Betsy series on my ipod, and it makes me laugh out loud almost like The Princess Bride.

  • Jana

    My Mother likes it best when I put on my best “Impressive Clergymen” impression and talk to her about Wove Twoo Wove”. I can also do a pretty mean Vinzinni, Inigo, The Albino, and of course Valerie “I’m not a witch, I’m your wife!” Very useful lines in the book and move… Very very important work in the psyche-scape of Jana. 😉
    Ahh, I knew we were kindred in High School.

  • riotimus

    It is such a good movie. I’ll have to read the book soon.


  • hoosiertoo

    It’s not an icky girl book is it?

  • I'm not dead yet! | Blog Ing

    […] owner of Ingenious Title To Appear Here Later, wrote an awesome post titled an awesome post titled “Everything I need to know I learned from The Princess Bride“, and that made me think of The Holy Grail, which might be the only movie ever made that’s […]

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