You may have noticed that there’s been a lack of all things convenience store related here at Da Blog in the past few weeks. Well, there’s a reason for that. It seems that recently, more and more of my townsfolk (and thus my customers) have become aware of Kel The Convenience Store Clerk’s superhero alter-ego, aka R.J. Keller, and thus have begun to Google said pseudonym. I’m waiting for the initial hullabaloo to die down before continuing my faithful reporting on the topic, since I like being able to walk into town without having rotten veggies thrown my way.

Speaking of food, I woke up with a horrendous sweet tooth this morning. I could easily have scarfed down – on my own – an entire chocolate cake in one sitting. Thankfully I hate to cook, so there was no chocolate cake in the house. I had to make due with Strawberry Pop Tarts. (Hi Robin!!)

On another completely unrelated topic, you know those squirrels we’ve been harboring for nigh on three years? Turns out the little fuckers have been stealing the insulation from our walls to use for their squirrel home(s). To quote Shakespeare:

I hate ingratitude more in a squirrel
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.


About R.J. Keller

R. J. Keller is the author of Waiting For Spring. An avid independent movie enthusiast, she was Managing Editor of The Movie Fanatic website and created episodes of the writer-centric YouTube series, Inside The Writers' Studio, with author Kristen Tsetsi. She co-hosted Book Chatter with Stacey Cochran from 2011-2014. She lives in Central Maine with her family, where she enjoys gardening, collecting geeky memorabilia, and watching other people cook. View all posts by R.J. Keller

6 responses to “Awk-ward!

  • Lori

    Yay, you’re a celebrity! That’s what matters!
    Although I personally will miss the evocative convenience store tales and hope they return soon.

  • Kit Courteney

    I’m with Lori.

    Me want more.

  • robinaltman

    You’re the Stephen King of your town, Dude! Just don’t walk on the side of the highway for fun.

    I hope the Pop Tart was frosted with little sprinkles. Mmmmm.

  • Jana

    Kel you can handle the veggie drive-by – just keep your catchers mit handy. I am excited that the locals are reading! Next thing you know – you can add a drop of your intelligence and philosophy to the pond of dogma. Rocking boats do disturb – but ya gotta love those waves.
    When I make it to Maine I will have to make you the “family secret recipe” chocolate cake – tell me – do ya like Mocha frosting?

  • Joe Glasgow

    Ah, so staring down the high cost of celebrity? The hard part is is knowing when the hullabaloo will indeed settle down. With this rise in interest, you may indeed get famous in your home area.

    And be careful when it comes to the rats with fluffy tails…I’ve seen where they chew through electrical wire, too!

  • R.J. Keller

    Lori & Kit, good news: I’ll be working 3rd shift one night a week for the next six weeks, so there might be more videos on the way.

    Robin, they did, indeed, have frosting and little sugary sprinkles. Yum!!!

    Jana, yes I do! You’re on!

    Joe, I’m staying vigilant with those little rodents. Still, the next morning a group of ’em were eating at the feeder and they were SOOOO cute!! I almost forgave them for absconding with the insulation.

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