An article of mine is up on Publishing Renaissance. Warning: pompous blowharding and/or pontificating be there.

“Someone Is Wrong On The Internet!”

Mr. Stacey Cochran interviewed me earlier today about “Waiting For Spring.”

It was SO much fun! He really put me at ease, and had some excellent, thought-provoking questions. I attempted to answer them without sounding like a pinhead.

Did I succeed? You be the judge.

And thanks again, Stacey!!!

I recently had the privilege of contributing an article about Mr. Terry Gilliam to the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus Support Site. It’s entitled “Smashing the Cookie Cutter.” Go on over and check it out.

While you’re there you can browse through the other articles, pictures, and videos. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m looking forward to seeing this movie, and how much I HOPE a U.S. distributor picks it up. It’s one of those movies you’re gonna want to see on the big screen.

Tomorrow I’m going to be interviewed by Mr. Stacey Cochran for his website, Online Book Review. It’s going to be a video interview over da webcam, which means I actually have to do my hair and my make up and get out of my pajamas.

And try not to snort when I laugh. That’s going to be the hardest part, I think.

But I’m very excited to have the chance to talk about my book; the process of writing it and about my decision to publish it myself, and to make it available as an e-book.

I’ll let you know when it’s posted.

 

*From “I Know Things Now” – Into The Woods

You may remember that a few weeks ago we snorted with laughter at the Total Eclipse of the Heart literal video. This past Thursday, Simon Owens of Bloggasm posted an interview with its creator, David Scott. It’s got some cool glimpses of what goes on behind-the-scenes in creating these videos.

[I]t’s not just a matter of replacing the lyrics, but also managing to uphold and mimic the inflection and context of the original lyrics, matching up how they’re being presented. This creates a kind of authenticity of the satire because it correlates with the “cognitive memory” of the original.

Check out the entire interview here. But first check out Scott’s latest [freaking hilarious] literal video, Air Supply’s Making Love Out Of Nothing At All.

“When I was a kid, we didn’t HAVE cell phones…and we LIKED it that way!!”

 I SO do not want a Blackberry or an iPhone. I have a cell phone, but only my family has that number and they’re under STRICT orders to call me only when it’s an emergency ( “kid is bleeding” “pick up some eggs” etc) and to NEVER give out the number to anyone else.

I can’t stand the thought of everyone I know – or worse, people I don’t know – being able to contact me when I’m shopping or at the movies or … where ever. Call me at home and leave a message, like in the good old days! I promise I’ll call you back.

SO many people come up to the counter, talking on their cellphone, and expect me to wait on them at the same time. I HATE THAT! I ignore them until they’re done with their call. Yes I do.

And don’t even talk to me about APPS. Argh!!!! If I wanna read an ebook or update my Twitter page or harvest some veggies on my Facebook Farm Town, I’ll do it when I get home like a civilized person. And so should you.

Seriously. Put down the damned phone. Do it now.

LLBookReview, a website that reviews indie books, is about to review their 100th book. To celebrate, they’re running a contest to see which book will be lucky 100.

Guess which book is in the running? THAT’S RIGHT!!!! “Waiting For Spring.”

If you guys would head over there to vote for it, I’d REALLY appreciate it! 

http://llbookreview.com/

Oh…and there’s something in it for you if you comment there as well:

“Vote for your favorite in the poll below to help us pick which book will be our 100th Review to be posted on August 1st. Also, click on the “100th Review Contest” link at the top of the page and leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of the winning book. The poll will run for four weeks starting June 14th. The winning book will be determined by which book gets the most votes. The winner of the raffle will be drawn at random from all who leave comments on the contest page. ”

Breaking News reports that “at least two people were injured after a gunman opened fire at the U.S. Holocaust [Memorial] Museum in Washington, D.C.” today. I can’t even begin to fathom the kind of mind that would plan and execute this kind of thing, although I’m sure we’ll learn more about the psycho than we really want to know in the next several days. And I shudder to think about what his actual plan might have been.

Those of you who’ve been reading this blog for awhile may remember that my family and I visited the Holocaust Memorial Museum last summer and that it had a big impact on us. Over a year later I’m finding myself in the position of asking, again, Why?

I expected her to drift off to sleep, but she talked instead. She kept her eyes closed as she did, and what she told me made me want to close my eyes, too. Cover my ears. Crash the car into a guardrail. Anything to make the story stop.

– Chapter 26, Waiting For Spring

As many of you know, the proceeds from the sale of every copy of “Waiting For Spring” (paperback format as well as E-book sales) goes to Spruce Run, a domestic abuse project here in Maine that provides information and support to all people affected by domestic abuse. Many of you have asked about what you can do to help if you’ve downloaded the free copy.

The answer is: Click on this link to Spruce Run’s website. You can get information about their services as well as find out some ways you can help.

…of being a convenience store clerk.

Once a month, the corporate office sends a guy down to the store for maintenance.  He vacuums out the cooler vents and changes the water filter for the coffee maker, changes lightbulbs, fixes damage done by crazy customers. That kind of thing. He’s your stereotypical maintenance man: Mid-50s, a little chubby, semi-grumpy, has a severe ass crack problem when he bends over.  When I’m forced to work on Maintenance Day, I always give him a wide berth.

Yesterday was Special Summer Maintenance Day, when, in addition to the typical fix ups, extra jobs like freshening up the paint on the outside of the store and giving the air conditioners a tune up are done. And because there was so much work to do, corporate sent two maintenance guys down for the day. One of them was Ass Crack Guy.

The other one SO wasn’t.

He was tall and broad-shouldered with shaggy, sandy-blonde hair and very straight teeth. He appeared to be in his mid-30s. He wore tight jeans. Very tight. I was good and didn’t sneak a peek at his ass.

The two of them went to work vacuuming vents and changing water filters and fixing loose cabinet handles, then they started on the Summer Maintenance Stuff. Ass Crack Guy went outside to paint the building and Tight Jeans Guy went into the big freezer to do whatever it is maintenance guys do to big freezers. He came out a few minutes later and walked right up to me, holding a pint of Ben & Jerrys, smiling his straight teeth smile. Then he asked:

“Do you like ice cream?”

That’s like asking me if I like muscular maintenance guys with nice asses (okay, I DID peek). The answer, of course was, “Damn right!” And, forgetting my many years of pop culture training – I skipped right over the Southern Belle/Hollywood Starlet response ( “Why Fiddle-Dee-Dee! I couldn’t touch a mouthful!”), the Supermodel response (accept the ice cream, eat it daintily, then spend a pleasant half-hour in the bathroom barfing it up), and the Romantic Comedy Heroine response ( “Oh, I shouldn’t.” Toss hair flirtateously.  “But I will!”) – I said exactly what I was thinking:

“Damn right!”

He handed it over. It was the John Lennon-inspired flavor, Imagine Whirled Peace. ( “Caramel & Sweet Cream Ice Creams Swirled with Fudge Peace Signs & Toffee Cookie Pieces.”) Then he handed me a plastic spoon and said, “I gotta know if the freezer is working alright. Can you let me know if it’s freezer burned?”

I took a dainty bite. Then another. Finally a third.  “Nope. No freezer burn at all.”

“Great. Thanks.”

 I wanted to say, “No problem!” but I couldn’t. I was too busy chewing on a Fudge Peace Sign. So he turned around and went to work on the air conditioner. The job required him to walk up and down a ladder. Frequently. In his tight jeans. I watched him the whole time. While eating my free ice cream. It was like someone had transported me into a Van Halen video for chicks. It was my best day of work ever.

It. Was awesome.