Idol for Writers – Week 1 entry


Well, your favorite short, chubby, bespectacled writer from Maine survived week one of the LJ Idol For Writers. I finished third out of fifty-seven with the following entry, the assigned topic being “New Beginnings.”

The morning he decided to stop drinking, John woke up on the bathroom floor, a mound of cat shit three inches from his nose. He couldn’t blame poor old Lucy. Three hours earlier he had puked in her litter box and it seemed fitting: shit for tat.

He stood up slowly, clutching his throbbing head. The stench of combined waste sent him diving once more for the toilet, and this time his aim was mercifully accurate. He stumbled into the shower a few minutes later, but it did nothing to refresh him. Each droplet was a tiny, torturous needle, prickly reminders of his sins, of all he had lost. Wife-son-daughter-job. Car.

Naked in his bedroom, he tried to piece together the forgotten events of the night before. His rumpled, unmade bed was nothing new, and itself not a helpful clue, but it did reveal a stain on his sheet and some blonde strands on his pillowcase. And as he pulled on his pants, he tried to remember what she’d looked like. If she had been any good. If he had been.

He dragged himself into the kitchen, tripping over the pile of garbage strewn across the floor. Lucy had knocked the trash can over the day before, in search of food. She had apparently feasted on Chicken McNuggets, a meal John had discarded three days earlier, having settled instead on Jack Daniels. Now the empty bottle taunted his shaking hands from the countertop. It lay next to an empty bag of Kibbles N’ Bits. Lucy rubbed herself against his ankle, an appeal, not for attention, but for food. He reached down and scratched behind her ear anyway, suddenly hungry for a display of honest affection. She bit his hand.

He rummaged through his wallet, wondering whether he had enough money stashed away for a small bag of cat food. He was in luck. Six one-dollar bills. His gaze fell once more onto his messy countertop, shifting from the empty bottle to the empty cat food bag, then to his empty cat, who was now howling in obvious distress. From outside, a squeal of childish delight joined her cries, piercing his still-aching head. It belonged, he knew, to his neighbor’s nine-year-old daughter. He struggled to think of her name, but could only remember that it started with an M.

And his hands would not stop shaking…

~~~~~

An hour later, the late morning sun beat down on Lucy as she rested, full-bellied, on a warm, sweet-smelling lawn. Nine-year-old Madison beamed just as brightly as she skipped rope on the driveway a few feet away.

“Just five more minutes, Fluffy,” she said. “Then we can go inside for lunch.”

Lucy licked her paw contentedly, not seeming to mind the indignity of her new name. And she pretended not to notice John as he hurried past her, toward his dilapidated trailer, clutching a brand new pint of cheap whiskey.

Idol for Writers – Week 1 entry


Well, your favorite short, chubby, bespectacled writer from Maine survived week one of the LJ Idol For Writers. I finished third out of fifty-seven with the following entry, the assigned topic being “New Beginnings.”

The morning he decided to stop drinking, John woke up on the bathroom floor, a mound of cat shit three inches from his nose. He couldn’t blame poor old Lucy. Three hours earlier he had puked in her litter box and it seemed fitting: shit for tat.

He stood up slowly, clutching his throbbing head. The stench of combined waste sent him diving once more for the toilet, and this time his aim was mercifully accurate. He stumbled into the shower a few minutes later, but it did nothing to refresh him. Each droplet was a tiny, torturous needle, prickly reminders of his sins, of all he had lost. Wife-son-daughter-job. Car.

Naked in his bedroom, he tried to piece together the forgotten events of the night before. His rumpled, unmade bed was nothing new, and itself not a helpful clue, but it did reveal a stain on his sheet and some blonde strands on his pillowcase. And as he pulled on his pants, he tried to remember what she’d looked like. If she had been any good. If he had been.

He dragged himself into the kitchen, tripping over the pile of garbage strewn across the floor. Lucy had knocked the trash can over the day before, in search of food. She had apparently feasted on Chicken McNuggets, a meal John had discarded three days earlier, having settled instead on Jack Daniels. Now the empty bottle taunted his shaking hands from the countertop. It lay next to an empty bag of Kibbles N’ Bits. Lucy rubbed herself against his ankle, an appeal, not for attention, but for food. He reached down and scratched behind her ear anyway, suddenly hungry for a display of honest affection. She bit his hand.

He rummaged through his wallet, wondering whether he had enough money stashed away for a small bag of cat food. He was in luck. Six one-dollar bills. His gaze fell once more onto his messy countertop, shifting from the empty bottle to the empty cat food bag, then to his empty cat, who was now howling in obvious distress. From outside, a squeal of childish delight joined her cries, piercing his still-aching head. It belonged, he knew, to his neighbor’s nine-year-old daughter. He struggled to think of her name, but could only remember that it started with an M.

And his hands would not stop shaking…

~~~~~

An hour later, the late morning sun beat down on Lucy as she rested, full-bellied, on a warm, sweet-smelling lawn. Nine-year-old Madison beamed just as brightly as she skipped rope on the driveway a few feet away.

“Just five more minutes, Fluffy,” she said. “Then we can go inside for lunch.”

Lucy licked her paw contentedly, not seeming to mind the indignity of her new name. And she pretended not to notice John as he hurried past her, toward his dilapidated trailer, clutching a brand new pint of cheap whiskey.

Web Fiction Guide

I’m excited to announce that Waiting For Spring is now listed at Web Fiction Guide.

click here to read

Their mission:

“Web Fiction Guide is a community-run listing of online fiction. Our goal is to help you find stuff you want to read.

Web fiction is original fiction that writers have chosen to publish on the web — sometimes instead of on paper, sometimes as well as on paper. It runs the gamut, from complete novels, to ongoing serials (web comics without the pictures), to short story collection and anthologies.

Here at the Guide, we list anything that is original and story-oriented (we don’t list fanfic or erotica), and that is available for free to read.”

Readers get a chance to read, rate and review the works listed. If you haven’t had a chance to read Waiting For Spring, you now have one more place to find it. If you have read it, and feel so inclined as to give it a rating or review, it would be greatly appreciated. You can find it HERE

You can find lots of other great stuff there in a wide variety of genres, including Ann M. Pino’s Steal Tomorrow (see right side bar…also being serialized at Readers and Writers Blog). So check it out!

Web Fiction Guide

I’m excited to announce that Waiting For Spring is now listed at Web Fiction Guide.

click here to read

Their mission:

“Web Fiction Guide is a community-run listing of online fiction. Our goal is to help you find stuff you want to read.

Web fiction is original fiction that writers have chosen to publish on the web — sometimes instead of on paper, sometimes as well as on paper. It runs the gamut, from complete novels, to ongoing serials (web comics without the pictures), to short story collection and anthologies.

Here at the Guide, we list anything that is original and story-oriented (we don’t list fanfic or erotica), and that is available for free to read.”

Readers get a chance to read, rate and review the works listed. If you haven’t had a chance to read Waiting For Spring, you now have one more place to find it. If you have read it, and feel so inclined as to give it a rating or review, it would be greatly appreciated. You can find it HERE

You can find lots of other great stuff there in a wide variety of genres, including Ann M. Pino’s Steal Tomorrow (see right side bar…also being serialized at Readers and Writers Blog). So check it out!

Idols for Writers

Photobucket

I don’t watch American Idol for the same reason I’ve never visited a hot dog factory: I don’t like the resulting product, so I have no interest in seeing what disgusting things are thrown into the pot used to make it. I do have an idea of how the process works, though, enough that when my buddy, Elle, told me about the Live Journal version for writers, I knew it was right up my alley. Here’s the deal:

“This is a writing contest community where the entries are submitted and then posted anonymously…and voted on by community members only…no tricks…no gimmicks…no pimping…no recommended reading lists…because after all…

…it really IS just about the writing!

Can you be the last writer standing?
There is a weekly prompt…everyone submits an entry for that prompt…the entries are posted anonymously and voted on anonymously. People give constructive criticism or “notes” on the entries. As people are voted out it is revealed who wrote what. In the end there will be one writer left standing…will it be you?!”

It starts tomorrow, so if you’re interested in joining, click the picture up yonder. If you don’t have the time/interest/desire to participate in the writing prompts, you can join the community anyway to read and vote on entries. Either way, come on and join the fun!

I’ll keep you posted on my progress, and post my entries here each week after the voting is concluded.

Idols for Writers

Photobucket

I don’t watch American Idol for the same reason I’ve never visited a hot dog factory: I don’t like the resulting product, so I have no interest in seeing what disgusting things are thrown into the pot used to make it. I do have an idea of how the process works, though, enough that when my buddy, Elle, told me about the Live Journal version for writers, I knew it was right up my alley. Here’s the deal:

“This is a writing contest community where the entries are submitted and then posted anonymously…and voted on by community members only…no tricks…no gimmicks…no pimping…no recommended reading lists…because after all…

…it really IS just about the writing!

Can you be the last writer standing?
There is a weekly prompt…everyone submits an entry for that prompt…the entries are posted anonymously and voted on anonymously. People give constructive criticism or “notes” on the entries. As people are voted out it is revealed who wrote what. In the end there will be one writer left standing…will it be you?!”

It starts tomorrow, so if you’re interested in joining, click the picture up yonder. If you don’t have the time/interest/desire to participate in the writing prompts, you can join the community anyway to read and vote on entries. Either way, come on and join the fun!

I’ll keep you posted on my progress, and post my entries here each week after the voting is concluded.

Anonymous no more


As you probably all know by now, R.J. Keller isn’t my real name. I chose to use a pseudonym for my writing career so I could retain a modicum of anonymity in the unlikely event my work ever becomes traditionally published. I’ve got two kids, both of whom are hovering close to high school age, and the prospect of having one or both them accosted in the corridor with a question like, “Hey, didn’t your mom write the blowjob-in-the-shower book?” is a frightening one. The teenage years are difficult enough without throwing that into the mix.

Imagine my discomfort, then, when a woman I’ve known for years siddled up to me in the produce aisle of the grocery store yesterday and said, “Hey, Kel…I really liked Waiting For Spring.”

I managed a noise that sounded like “Wha…?” combined with what I think was a squeak. And I became suddenly aware that a small handful of customers was hovering within earshot.

“The sex scenes were awesome,” she continued, oblivious to my discomfort…and without bothering to lower her voice.

I took another furtive glance around me. The crowd of customers seemed to have grown exponentially with each passing moment, and I was quite certain everyone was listening in while they pretended to examine corn on the cob and new potatoes…

“Especially when Brian’s in the shower and–“

Obviously, I had to steer the direction of the conversation away from Brian and showers. Some topics just aren’t appropriate for family-friendly aisles of the supermarket. Health and beauty…maybe. Feminine hygiene, sure. Fruits and veggies…nope. So I asked what she thought about Rachel, Brian’s sister, which led to safer topics like the horrors of teenage drug abuse, abortion, and vigilante justice. The crowd dissipated before my very eyes, and my heart rate dropped from about 315 beats per minute to a healthier 140. Finally I asked her an important question:

“How’d you know about my book?”

She smiled and gave me the rundown. Person A, who’d let her borrow it, bought it online about a month ago on the advice of Person B, who’d heard about it from my coworker “E” (aka, The Cute One). That’s when it all began to make sense. You see, a few months ago, “E” caught me editing my personal copy of the book (I can’t just read the damned thing, even after all this time). Intrigued, she asked to borrow it and I reluctantly handed it over. (Reluctantly because it wasn’t edited to my satisfaction). Apparently, she spent the next week reading it at work in between customers…and read certain sections aloud to customers as they came into the store. Those customers told their friends, and they told their friends, and–like the old commercial goes–so on and so on…

This was news to me. I knew E had read WFS, and liked it. I knew she’d let another co-worker borrow it. And I knew she’d bought a [properly edited] copy for her mother, because she asked me to sign it (which, I’ll admit, was one of the most exciting moments of my life). But I had no idea she’d been spreading the news that Kel–mild-mannered* convenience store clerk–and R.J. Keller–renegade author of angsty, semi-violent, sexually charged novels–were one and the same. I wasn’t sure this was a good thing. I couldn’t say that to this woman in the produce aisle (or any aisle, for that matter) without sounding like a bitch, instead of like the unsure, unpublished author I really am. So I just smiled back and thanked her for the kind words. And as I continued my shopping I mulled the situation over.

Three aisles later I realized that being recongnized for my work in public was a good thing. That’s what this writing thing is about, after all…entertaining people, moving them, inspiring them. I can honestly say I’ve done that which, in my opinion, is more important than seeing a book of mine in a bookstore.

So when I saw her in the checkout line a few minutes later I thanked her again for the kind words. Then I gave her the address to my website so she could buy a copy of Waiting For Spring for herself if she so desired. And I didn’t bother to lower my voice.

* This is a lie. I don’t have a mild-mannered bone in my body. I did once–in my right arm–but I broke it when I was a kid, and it didn’t set properly.

————————-

Chapters 32 and 33 of Waiting for Spring, in which Rachel’s situation goes from bad to as bad as they can get, are up at Readers and Writers Blog today. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you). Also posted are chapters 8 and 9 of Steal Tomorrow, by Ann M. Pino. According to her blog, she and her family made it through the hurricane, but there’s quite a bit of clean up to do, as I’m sure you can imagine. So big, big hugs to her…

Anonymous no more


As you probably all know by now, R.J. Keller isn’t my real name. I chose to use a pseudonym for my writing career so I could retain a modicum of anonymity in the unlikely event my work ever becomes traditionally published. I’ve got two kids, both of whom are hovering close to high school age, and the prospect of having one or both them accosted in the corridor with a question like, “Hey, didn’t your mom write the blowjob-in-the-shower book?” is a frightening one. The teenage years are difficult enough without throwing that into the mix.

Imagine my discomfort, then, when a woman I’ve known for years siddled up to me in the produce aisle of the grocery store yesterday and said, “Hey, Kel…I really liked Waiting For Spring.”

I managed a noise that sounded like “Wha…?” combined with what I think was a squeak. And I became suddenly aware that a small handful of customers was hovering within earshot.

“The sex scenes were awesome,” she continued, oblivious to my discomfort…and without bothering to lower her voice.

I took another furtive glance around me. The crowd of customers seemed to have grown exponentially with each passing moment, and I was quite certain everyone was listening in while they pretended to examine corn on the cob and new potatoes…

“Especially when Brian’s in the shower and–“

Obviously, I had to steer the direction of the conversation away from Brian and showers. Some topics just aren’t appropriate for family-friendly aisles of the supermarket. Health and beauty…maybe. Feminine hygiene, sure. Fruits and veggies…nope. So I asked what she thought about Rachel, Brian’s sister, which led to safer topics like the horrors of teenage drug abuse, abortion, and vigilante justice. The crowd dissipated before my very eyes, and my heart rate dropped from about 315 beats per minute to a healthier 140. Finally I asked her an important question:

“How’d you know about my book?”

She smiled and gave me the rundown. Person A, who’d let her borrow it, bought it online about a month ago on the advice of Person B, who’d heard about it from my coworker “E” (aka, The Cute One). That’s when it all began to make sense. You see, a few months ago, “E” caught me editing my personal copy of the book (I can’t just read the damned thing, even after all this time). Intrigued, she asked to borrow it and I reluctantly handed it over. (Reluctantly because it wasn’t edited to my satisfaction). Apparently, she spent the next week reading it at work in between customers…and read certain sections aloud to customers as they came into the store. Those customers told their friends, and they told their friends, and–like the old commercial goes–so on and so on…

This was news to me. I knew E had read WFS, and liked it. I knew she’d let another co-worker borrow it. And I knew she’d bought a [properly edited] copy for her mother, because she asked me to sign it (which, I’ll admit, was one of the most exciting moments of my life). But I had no idea she’d been spreading the news that Kel–mild-mannered* convenience store clerk–and R.J. Keller–renegade author of angsty, semi-violent, sexually charged novels–were one and the same. I wasn’t sure this was a good thing. I couldn’t say that to this woman in the produce aisle (or any aisle, for that matter) without sounding like a bitch, instead of like the unsure, unpublished author I really am. So I just smiled back and thanked her for the kind words. And as I continued my shopping I mulled the situation over.

Three aisles later I realized that being recongnized for my work in public was a good thing. That’s what this writing thing is about, after all…entertaining people, moving them, inspiring them. I can honestly say I’ve done that which, in my opinion, is more important than seeing a book of mine in a bookstore.

So when I saw her in the checkout line a few minutes later I thanked her again for the kind words. Then I gave her the address to my website so she could buy a copy of Waiting For Spring for herself if she so desired. And I didn’t bother to lower my voice.

* This is a lie. I don’t have a mild-mannered bone in my body. I did once–in my right arm–but I broke it when I was a kid, and it didn’t set properly.

————————-

Chapters 32 and 33 of Waiting for Spring, in which Rachel’s situation goes from bad to as bad as they can get, are up at Readers and Writers Blog today. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you). Also posted are chapters 8 and 9 of Steal Tomorrow, by Ann M. Pino. According to her blog, she and her family made it through the hurricane, but there’s quite a bit of clean up to do, as I’m sure you can imagine. So big, big hugs to her…

New Works

Readers & Writers blog is chock fulla new stuff. Steal Tomorrow (my blog buddy Bunnygirl‘s post-apocalyptic novel, begins its serialization today; Tim Hulings’ short story Parcul Centru is featured; as well as chapter 25 of Waiting for Spring.

Sid Leavitt has also announced that, beginning this week, R&W Blog will post new material only on Sundays (two chapters at a time for novel serializations) so he can take some well-deserved time for himself during the week. I know I’m not speaking for just myself when I send a big THANK YOU over to him for all his hard work, and for his kindness in giving so many writers a home. When you click over there next, be sure to check out the Works section. It’s quite a library…

Math, music, and a history lesson

A gallon of milk weighs approximately 8.5 pounds.
A crate of milk contains 4 gallons of milk.
That’s approximately 34 pounds.

Last night, while working in the cooler, a crate of milk slipped out of my hands. I had a mere 1.0342302 seconds (give or take a millisecond) to save one or more of my precious toes and/or foot from being crushed under its weight. You would have been mightily impressed by the quickness and nimbleness I displayed in snatching this Crate Of Doom just in the nick of time. As I sit here typing this missive, my toes and/or foot are miraculously whole and unbruised.

Oh, how I wish they weren’t!

The trade-off was the alignment of my back. Apparently, it objected to being called upon to bear the weight of 34 pounds of milk so suddenly. It’s voicing this objection right now, in loud tones, the melody to which is: “Let it drop / let it drop / you shoulda let it drop.”

Needless to say, I’m not moving very quickly or nimbly today. Instead I’m reading a Civil War book I picked up yesterday, The Commanders of Chancellorsville – The Gentleman Versus The Rogue (Robert E. Lee being the gentleman, Joe Hooker the rogue) by Edward G. Longacre. For those of you unfamiliar with American Civil War history, the Confederates won the battle of Chancellorsville–in large part–by scaring the bejesus out of the Union Army. The tradeoff was the loss of Stonewall Jackson. It’s worth renting the otherwise yawn-inspiring movie, Gods and Generals, (based on Jeff Shaara’s very excellent book of the same name) just to see this battle enacted.

Today’s a good day for you guys to do some reading, too. Chapter 23 of Waiting for Spring (Tess verses her mother in a Phone Call Of Doom) is now up at Readers and Writers Blog. Also posted is Chapter 5 of J. Cafesin’s Disconnected, and (sadly) the final installment of Gerard Jones’ Ginny Good. Check ’em out.