Chemo begins…

So this is a rough night. I’m shaky and exhausted, but wide awake with a brain that ain’t gonna rest. Severely cracked lips and mouth sores and chills and (sorry) a bit of bunged-upness is not helping. Other stuff is going on too, but I just admitted that I’m constipated on social media and that’s my TMI limit for the day.

I know all of these symptoms are normal and I know there are other symptoms I could be enduring right now that would be worse (and maybe those are coming, who knows?). But it’s all starting and that makes me nervous, which is probably not helping the whole brain racing thing.

But here’s a fact. In a few hours I know I can call my boss for a day off to rest and she’s gonna let me do that. I know the request is gonna go to HR and be approved and I’ll still have a job and a paycheck. It’s just Dan and me here at the house. There are no little mouths and brains and running feet to worry about. I can just rest. And if I get bad at some point, I have a way to get to medical help and am not worried about losing my house because of whatever bills will accrue. And right now I can watch Bernadette Peters (❤❤❤❤❤) on a streaming TV show to entertain and distract me. I can go on, but you get the picture.

Not everyone can say those things. When I say “Fuck cancer” it’s not for me. I’m fortunate, privileged even (I don’t care if you don’t like that word, it’s true). I say “Fuck cancer” because there are those who don’t have all the resources I so take for granted. And cancer needs to fucking die.

First round of chemo

Breakfast is eaten, antinausea meds have been taken. In a few moments it will be time for my first round of immunotherapy. These are the meds that act like snipers, taking out the particular cancer cells based on their individual weaknesses. Then will come the chemotherapy meds. That’s like General Sherman going in to fuck up everything in Georgia. I’m nervous, but I’m ready for this.

I’m thinking right now, though, of my great grandmother who died of cancer in the early thirties. They had nothing, really, with which to treat her and she died quite young, leaving eight young children behind. I can’t imagine what she endured, although I’m vividly aware of the impact her passing had on my family for generations. The impacts are still being felt, to be honest.

I’m so grateful and humbled to be living in a time where we can science the shit out of this disease. I know that even more advancements are within our collective grasp. I feel so confident that cancer can be wiped away in another generation. Let’s fucking do this.

Fuck Cancer

So here’s a post that’s no fun to write, just like I’m sure it will be unpleasant to read. Last week I was diagnosed with breast cancer, more specifically invasive ductal carcinoma. I’m going in for more tests this week so my doctors can determine the best course of treatment, but right now signs are pointing towards this being treatable.

Right now I’m generally feeling fine physically, which is good. I have a job that I love that provides me with really good health insurance and continued job security, even through whatever horrific treatment is coming my way. I’ve got an amazing, supportive family and so, so many friends who I know totally have my back. I’m really very fortunate and do not take any of that for granted. But y’all need to know that I’m gonna get through this. Basically, cancer can kiss my fat ass and fuck off. There’s too much shit I still need to get done.