I’m pretty sure I encountered the rudest woman alive early this morning at work.
And when I say “early this morning” I don’t mean 6:00 AM, or even 5:00 AM, or some other reasonable sort of AM. I mean 3:30 AM. She was talking on her cell phone – very loudly – as she walked into the store, and continued to do so throughout her ten minute visit (that in itself puts her on my Rude People list. Seriously, folks, put your damned cell phone DOWN once you get to the cash register. You don’t have to hang up if you don’t want to, but at least do me the courtesy of paying attention when I’m telling you how much your cappuccino is gonna cost you. It’s really not that much to ask), so I was able to hear her half of the conversation. She had woken her friend with this phone call – remember, now, this was 3:30 in the morning – yet she was chewing said friend out for nodding off during the conversation.
See, when I get a phone call in the middle of the night, I assume a loved one has died, or is deathly ill, or has just gone into labor. Those are acceptable reasons for ringing my house at 3:30 AM. So is “I had too much to drink, can you please come pick me up so I don’t kill someone.” But this chick “just felt like talking” and since she was going to be busy all day, 3:30 in the morning was the only time she had to talk. Therefore calling her friend and waking her up at 3:30 in the morning was perfectly acceptable, as was bitching at her for not being able to stay awake during the conversation.
I wanted, very badly, to express my disapproval at this woman’s disgusting, selfish behavior. I thought about pissing in her cappuccino, or finding someone else who would do it for me; preferably a guy, since they’re actually equipped for that kind of job. It’s what she deserved. But it didn’t seem feasible to attempt this in a brightly lit, security-camera-laden store. Instead I was stuck with giving her a very stern look and a censorious shake of my head. And writing about her on my blog. And, possibly, with sticking her in my next novel, where she will certainly find a more fitting punishment for her crime.