Valentine’s Day redux


Valentine’s Day is one week away. To celebrate, I’m going to repost an entry from 2008.

Have I ever mentioned how very much I hate Valentine’s Day? It is, to quote Joel Barish in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, “a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.” The latter part doesn’t really apply to me, since I’m happily married. It’s the fact that Hallmark, FTD, and Russell Stover all want to dictate when a man gives the woman in his life a little bit of attention. Even worse are those idiotic jewelry commercials that make men feel like shit if they don’t fork over a year’s salary for a gaudy, disgusting diamond covered-monstrosity.

Here’s my idea of a romantic gift. A few days ago I used up the last of my Cascade dishwashing liquid. The next night my hubby came home with a brand new jug of it. Why is that romantic?

1.) I didn’t ask him for it. I didn’t even tell him we’d run out. The jug made that funky farting noise that happens when there’s more air left inside than soap. He heard it, knew what it meant, remembered it, and bought me a new one.

2.) He got the right scent. (Melon…I love the way it makes my kitchen smell.)

3.) Did I mention that I didn’t have to ask him to pick me up a jug of dishwashing liquid?

I’ll take a jug of Cascade over a card with a corny poem my husband didn’t write, a dozen roses that’ll make me sneeze, a box of chocolates that’ll go right to my ass, and a diamond that some abused little kid dug out of a mine any day. Even Valentine’s Day.

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About R.J. Keller

R. J. Keller is the author of Waiting For Spring. An avid independent movie enthusiast, she was Managing Editor of The Movie Fanatic website and created episodes of the writer-centric YouTube series, Inside The Writers' Studio, with author Kristen Tsetsi. She co-hosted Book Chatter with Stacey Cochran from 2011-2014. She lives in Central Maine with her family, where she enjoys gardening, collecting geeky memorabilia, and watching other people cook. View all posts by R.J. Keller

5 responses to “Valentine’s Day redux

  • Cheryl Anne Gardner

    My husband and I were doing our grocery shopping a couple of week ago, and I was getting ingredients to make smoked turkey soup. He knows I like the organic carrots vs. the slimy ones in the bag. He calls them mr greenjeans carrots cause they have all the tops on them.

    So I am standing over getting the turnips and shit, and he comes up behind me holding the carrots like a bouquet and tell me he loves me.

    Now if that don’t beat all the jewelry in the world.

  • kristentsetsi

    One day, I was starving for Buffalo Wild Wings. I was going to call Ian to ask him to pick some up if he was anywhere near the place, but when I picked up my phone to call him, he was just opening the door. He was carrying a big bag of food from Buffalo Wild Wings. yay! I much prefer that to a designated day of flowers and kisses.

  • robinaltman

    You’re the last of the great sentimentalists. Has anyone ever told you that?

    I’m going to petition that google remove this blog from its records. What if husbands everywhere read this? It could be chaos! Dogs and cats living together. Money donated to charity. Grocery stores everywhere running out of melon scented dishwashing liquid. You’re single handedly destroying society.
    -Love,
    Robin

  • Robert

    I’m a husband and I LOVE this post! I’m going to print it out right now. Then, when Valentine’s Day comes round and I wake up to my wife presenting me with a Valentine’s Day card big enough to be responsible for 50% of the depletion of the rainforest the day that it was made, a gallon of my favourite Scotch which has a carbon footprint the size of a small country, flashing her ladybits while giving me her most seductive smile…I won’t feel guilty for forgetting to do similar for her! I’ll present a copy of your post to her and I’ll promise to buy some dishwasing liquid next time I’m near the supermarket – even if she doesn’t need it yet! It’ll probably be our best Valentine’s Day ever. Thank you soooo much!

  • R.J. Keller

    I’m a terrible, corruptive influence. 🙂

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