Yes, it’s that time of year again. Time when my husband gets to drool over cheerleaders and scantily clad women in beer commercials. And I’m sure all of my faithful readers (Hi Mom!!) are wondering, “Kel! Who do you think will be victorious in this year’s Superbowl?”
First of all let me say that the only thing I know about football is that Tom Brady is wicked hot. He’s hot here: 
and here: 
and especially here: 
Other than that? Football is a closed book to me. However, since custom demands that I choose a team here we go…
OK, since my hometown guys, the Patriots, aren’t in it this year and I know nothing about the Steelers or Seahawks I have to go by my tried and true method, which is to ask myself:
Which team’s uniform do I like best?
Seattle has Pittsburgh beat hands down.
*First of all, the Seahawk’s soothing blue is much nicer to look at than the Steelers’ austere black and yellow.
*Secondly, Seattle has that totally kick-ass hawk logo. Pittsburgh has three boring diamond thingys. WTF is that all about?
*Thirdly, and most importantly, when I was in the 3rd and 4th grades there was a boy in my class who teased me unmercifully. He always wore a Steelers jersey with “Bradshaw” written across the back. Therefore Steelers jerseys have painful associations for me and I have to give my wholehearted and unconditional support to the Seattle Seahawks.
R.J. Keller 
Kel,
Yes it is Super Bowl party time.
You strike me as the type who dispenses with good advice. Do you mind if I treat your blog as if it were an advice column?
My wife would like to host a Super Bowl party this year, and remarkably she wishes to invite some of my chums. The only problem is they smoke and drink a lot and curse loudly too. Drinking lots of beer and eating cheesy snacks will likely also cause them to pass gas (farting in the face is considered bad manners here where I live in the Midwest, though apparently the custom is different among the supposedly more enlightened folk out East) but it is impossible to get these people to leave when the big game is over.
I like these people, but I like them the same way I like the NFL, that is, both are taken best in small doses.
kel, what is a boy to do?
I am the type who dispenses with good advice. You are apparently a shrewd son of the midwest to have divined as much.
My advice to your wife is to serve my specialty, “Kel W. Smiley’s Brownie Surprise”, to your intended guests. I will forward the recipe to her email account. I guarantee your guests’ visit will be short lived, and thereafter infrequent.