Rick is a lot smarter than I thought he was. And much more wounded. Wendy isn’t a saint. I need to do some more research about gravel pits, particularly in winter. And I need to learn a LOT more about guns. And forensic evidence. I skated by last time by pushing everything off on Rick; but now…here’s Rick, committing a gruesome murder. I love Rachel even more now than I did when writing Waiting For Spring, something I didn’t think was possible. I’m worried, already, about how to market a second novel when the even the briefest plot summary spoils the first novel. I can already see the book’s cover in my mind. I hope I can make it translate. I’ve already chosen the epigraph:

We all were sea-swallow’d,
though some cast again,
And by that destiny to perform an act
Whereof what’s past is prologue,
what to come in yours and my discharge.

– William Shakespeare (The Tempest)

Two years ago, I participated in something called Project 365. The general gist is that you take a picture every day for a year, posting the pictures on a blog. It’s fun, but it also helps you to take some time each day and notice the small things.

I’m ashamed to say that I gave up on my 365 blog about 2/3 through 2008. There are a lot of excuses I could list, and many of them would be valid, but the plain truth is I lost interest in it. Hence the shame. (Here’s the link to the old blog.)

HOWEVER, I am determined to make it work for 2010. To that end, I’ve created a new blog called (uncreatively enough) RJ Keller’s 365 Project – A Year in Photos. I’ve started it off by posting a picture I took in my garden last spring, but the project will actually begin on January 1, 2010.

If any of you are interested in participating, let me know! It would be great fun to have a group doing this together. And to those of you who participated with me last time, I PROMISE I’ll finish this time.

WARNING: THERE BE SPOILERS HERE! (Seriously…if you haven’t read Waiting For Spring yet and don’t want to be spoiled – and I hope that you don’t – go do something else and save this post for when you’ve finished the book. There’s a good reader.)

 

When I get negative comments and/or reviews about Waiting For Spring, the criticism usually falls into one of two categories: Number 1, too much harsh language. Number 2, too much sex. Some people, that’s just not their thing, and no amount of reasoning from me, or anyone else, about context and realism is going to change their minds. I’m cool with that. I understand it. Not everyone likes the same thing, the world would be a boring place if we did, etc. Turn the page on a brand new day.

And then there’s the third most common complaint I get. It’s one I’ve yet to see in a public review (I’m sure the day is coming), although I’ve received over a dozen emails about it. Yep…it’s Rachel’s abortion.

As those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile know, I’ve addressed this issue before when a reader complained that I was pushing a pro-choice agenda in writing and publishing my book. I’ll restate now what I said then:

I hate it when an author uses their characters and fictional world as a thinly disguised soapbox. When I encounter that sort of thing in a novel, I immediately throw it down in disgust, because I don’t like being manipulated. And I shuddered to think that’s what someone thought I’d been trying to do to them.

The truth is that, although I do have strong personal opinions about this issue, Waiting For Spring wasn’t written to give voice to them. It isn’t meant to be pro-choice. It isn’t meant to be pro-life. It isn’t meant to be pro-any political issue. It’s honest to goodness slice of life reading, with all of life’s beauty and horror and joy and pain. It’s about confronting and dealing with life’s shit head on, before you get buried in it. It’s about what happens when you don’t do that.

Since that post, I’ve received other emails about the issue, mostly along the same lines. One lady even prophesied that an eternity of hell’s raging fires awaited me, which got my attention. (Mostly because my hair frizzes something fierce in the heat.) This time, however, it’s an email I got from someone on the other side of the issue that is prompting me to address this subject…and here I feel compelled to warn you that this is where the spoilers begin. There’s simply no way of talking about this without the spoilers. The point of no return is beyond the dotted line.

…………………………

Okay then.

This time it’s an email I got from someone on the other side of the issue that is prompting me to address this subject again. It was from a pro-choice advocate who felt that Rachel’s murder represented a sort of Divine Retribution for having gotten an abortion. I know it’s true that, regardless of what an author’s intentions are, we can’t control what readers bring with them when they read our words. A thousand people could read my novel and walk away with a thousand different interpretations of what it’s about and, to be honest, I like that. But this particular interpretation…well, I’ll admit it. It shook me up. Then it pissed me off. Then I cried a little (shut up…even hard-bitten women like me shed a tear or two every so often), because the concept was absolutely abhorrent to me. And I don’t like being thought of as someone who would do an absolutely abhorrent thing.

THE CASE FOR THE DEFENSE

 

Finally, I talked it over with a trusted friend. Her response was, “It’s not something that even occurred to me when reading it in your book, but I can see how a discussion group might come up with something like that. It’s so easy for readers to attach symbolism and meaning where the author never meant it to be.” Of course, she’s right. I’ve been guilty of the same thing myself. (You don’t even want to be at my family’s get-togethers when the subject of anti-feminist issues in Twilight come up. No sir.) So, in case there are others out there who may have gotten the same impression, I’m going to address why Rachel’s murder DOES NOT represent Divine Retribution, using the context of the novel – rather than my “but that’s not what I MEANT to say” objections – as proof.

1. Tim is such an obvious asshole villain…almost two-dimensionally villainous. Seriously, weren’t you just aching for Tess to blow him away herself? (I know I was, but it didn’t serve the interests of the story, and The Interests Of The Story come before anything else.) Why would I cast such a despicable, disgusting character in the role of Divine Executioner, if indeed I felt Retribution was called for? Tess, as the protagonist, represents the closest thing to a ‘Divine Voice’ in the novel. She not only provides Rachel’s transportation for the procedure, she accompanies her into the actual room and holds her hand while it’s happening. And in spite of her own very strong misgivings – and subsequent feelings of guilt – Tess comes to this conclusion:

I leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “It’s alright. You’re doing the right thing.” I said it even though it wasn’t alright. Not yet. But it would be Someday. I’d make sure of it. And I said it because it was the right thing. For her.

2.  Tim himself was killed for bringing about Rachel’s murder. He was killed rather brutally, in fact. ([plug] You’ll get to witness that in the new book. [/plug]) If anything, that was eye-for-an-eye Divine Retribution. The act even brought about a redemption (of sorts) for an otherwise unsympathetic character (which served The Interests Of The Story with a side order of Hell Yes!).

3. If it could be said that Rachel shouldered any responsibility in her own death, it would not be because she had an abortion. It would be because she couldn’t kick her drug habit, and she turned to Tim when she was hard up. She was desperate enough that she did this even though she knew what would probably happen…but that’s another psychological sideroad altogether.

4. In Tim’s mind, Rachel’s pregnancy (and eventual motherhood) was a means for him to have a lasting sense of control over her…period. I used his continued abusive presence in his ex-wife and daughter’s lives to illustrate that. To him, the abortion wasn’t a moral wrong to be righted. It represented a usurping of his power in her life.

WHY USE IT?

 

I’ll say it again: I didn’t insert abortion into the novel with the intention of sending a pro-choice or pro-life message. So why include it at all? Answer: Purely as a literary tool. Tess suffers from almost overwhelming feelings of worthlessness. Most of that is a direct result of being unloved – even hated – by her mother. The most powerful way I could think of to express that was to have Tess’s mother let her know that she would have aborted her had the law allowed it. It was fitting in so many ways.

1. It’s a despicable thing to tell a child, and I wanted Tess’s mother to be pretty despicable.

2. It fit in with the soil/barrenness motif I had going.

3. It gave me an ostensible motive to give to Tim for killing Rachel. (See this post to learn why Rachel was always gonna die, regardless of how or why.)

Once I made that decision, I followed two well-established rules of writing by using abortion as a running theme. 

1. If you introduce a gun in chapter one, you’d sure as hell better let the reader see the thing again before too long – the “gun” in this case, of course, being the subject of abortion. 

2. Find your protagonist’s biggest fear or weakness and sock her in the face with it. 

CONCLUSION

 

I will admit that once the issue of abortion was part of the mix, I made the conscious decision to challenge readers’ existing opinions about it…all readers, from BOTH sides of the issue. I consciously worked to challenge my own opinions, too. Ultimately, in spite of the Emails of Chastisement – actually, I think it would be more accurate to say because of those emails – I believe I succeeded. And that is something I’m very proud of.

 Due to the upcoming holiday week/weekend, family participation in a play at a community theater (if you’re one of my Maine peeps, check out the Belfast Maskers website for ticket information!!!), and third shift workery, I probably won’t be around online too much until the beginning of December. I know how disappointing this news must be, but try to carry on without me. And have a great Thanksgiving!

In the meantime, please enjoy this amazing video:

 

 

…of Exhaustion, Frustration, and Some Other Word That Ends In “-tion.”

Friday night, I was told by an author I’d never heard of that her ultimate goals when she began writing were to see her book in a bookstore and to sell a lot of books. She further informed me that because her book had found an agent and a publisher and was now sitting in a bookstore that it was a “real” book. My book, not falling into that category, is – naturally – not “real.”

I wanted to tell her that my ultimate goal when I began writing was to write a good book. An awesome book. A book that, when people read it, they’d say, “I have felt exactly this way before! I thought I was the only one!” Or, “I stayed up all night reading this, even though I had to go to work early in the morning.” I might have even wanted it to make people cry, to make them think about things in a way they’d never done before, or to look at people in a way they’d never done before. I wanted to point her in the direction of postive reviews I’ve received, and send her copies of emails I’ve gotten from readers, stating that my book had accomplished exactly those things. I wanted to send her the link to this post, affirming that my book is, indeed, a real book. Then I Googled her name and learned about her book. That’s when I wanted to tell her that the only reason an agent had picked it up and had been able to sell it to a publisher is because it’s a cookie cutter of about 1000 other books already out there, which means it’s not considered a risk. I also wanted to tell her to stuff it (okay, I wanted to tell her to fuck off). 

But I didn’t say any of those things. Partly because the conversation took place in a chatbox and the comments were going by too quickly to engage her. It was also partly because it isn’t seemly for a co-host to tell a chatbox visitor, however rude she is, to fuck off. But mostly it’s because it wouldn’t have changed her mind one bit. Not the ‘fuck off’ part, obviously, but also not the “this is why my book is real” part.

Here’s the thing. I don’t understand how a writer’s main goal can be to sell a lot of books. The concept of licking your creative finger and holding it out to see which way the market’s wind is blowing is foreign to me. I look at that kind of writer as a sell out. I think the books that kind of writer produces are hackneyed and soulless. I think that the number of books found in bookstores that fall under this category grows exponentially each year. And it drives me fucking crazy, as both a writer and a reader, that marketablity too often trumps quality and originality.

But I would never stand before you and say that those books aren’t ‘real’, or that the minds that produced them don’t belong to ‘real’ writers. I respect the creative process too much for that, as I do the hearts and minds of the readers who forked over their hard-earned money for those books. It would be nice to get the same courtesy from that kind of writer. I don’t see it happening any time soon, but it would be nice.

I’ve been hideously neglectful of Da Blog, and there’s lots of stuff to catch up on.

1. NaNowriMo update:

Word count:  53,744

This means I ‘won’ NaNoWriMo. It’s actually my fourth time winning, which is very cool. (Waiting For Spring was the product of my first NaNo.) I’m not quite halfway through the story, though, and then I’ll have the editing, but I’m still pretty psyched that I made the wordcount goal in so short a time. I’m also relieved that – this time – something with a cohesive story is coming out of it.

2. Cheryl Anne Gardner’s review of Waiting For Spring  has been posted at POD People this morning. Check it out!!

3. BookChatter‘s on again tonight at 11pm (EASTERN TIME). Tonight we’ll be talking about the Harlequin Horizons controversy. Hope y’all tune in!

4. I’m working on my promised ‘abortion motif in Waiting For Spring’ post. It should be ready early next week.

5. Have a great weekend!

Swine flu. I gots it. So here’s the brief NaNoWriMo update (as stolen from last night’s Facebook status update):

Word count: 35343. Crap factor: much lower than expected. Still shooting for mid-to-late summer 2010 release.

Coming soon: a rant about the nasty emails I get from irate readers on both side of the abortion issue regarding ‘Waiting For Spring.’

I’ve neglected my updates for the past few days. I can’t remember which day of NaNoWriting this is. But I’m up to 27367 words, about 9000 words ahead of schedule. And for those of you who are curious, here’s an excerpt. (Chosen because it’s the closest thing to polished writing I’ve got right now.)

WARNING: If you haven’t read ‘Waiting For Spring,’ there’s a pretty major spoiler here. And I hate spoilers. Seriously. If you haven’t read WFS yet, close this window and go read something else. But for those of you who have read it, here you go:

 

_________________________________________________________

 

 “My parents died in winter,” Wendy said.

 Rick only nodded. He knew. He’d been there.

 “They had to store their bodies somewhere until spring. Until the ground thawed.”

 “June,” he said. “They buried your parents in June.”

 “Yes. That’s right. In June.”

 He hit the blinker and made a right turn. New Mills was white and grey. Frozen solid. He drove past the grocery store. Past the diner. Kept his head low, so he wouldn’t be recognized. Drove slowly, so he wouldn’t be pulled over. Then he took a left, out of town. Out towards the gravel pit.

 “So their bodies just laid there all winter long,” she continued. “Rotting away in their coffins.”

 “They weren’t rotting. They…the funeral home…the cemetery…they kept ’em somewhere cold. Somewhere safe.”

 She gave a brief, disgusted snort. “In a cold storage shed. But they were still decomposing. Technically speaking.”

 “Stop it, Wendy.”

 “That’s why I’m glad I died in the summer. I started rotting in the ground, like you’re supposed to.”

 “I said stop it.”

 “Why? Because it reminds you of Rachel? About how she’s rotting away, too? Because she is, you know. Even though she’s in cold storage. Even though you don’t want to think about it. Her frozen, wounded body. And her broken, wounded soul.”

 He took a swig from his bottle. Jack Daniels. It had been years since he’d gotten any kind of buzz off his liquor. He’d had to be content with numbness. But today there wasn’t enough whiskey in the world to protect him from Wendy’s words.

 She laughed loudly at that. “They’re not my words, you idiot. They’re yours.”

 “I know.”

 “I’m not even here. Remember? I’m dead.” And with that, she started to fade again. Quickly this time. But before she disappeared completely, she turned to him, grinned widely, and said, “I’m in your head. I’m you.”

 “I know.” He looked away and took another swig. “That’s why I hate you so fucking much.”

Days 6 & 7

Well, the past two days are kind of a blur. I wrote, I did other stuff, then I wrote some more. Things are progressing well story-wise, with new characters and lots of angsty goodness and a WHOLE new way for Waiting For Spring readers to look at Rick. And my word count is 21870. I’m not feeling too cocky, though. The next few weeks are going to be completely insane…

 

Days 4 & 5 sort of blended together, since I actually wrote in several long spurts that started Wednesday afternoon (Day 4) and stopped at about 2am Thursday morning (Day 5). I broke it up thusly:

 

Day 4

Word count:

•  4062 / 9688

Encouragements/helps:

• Understanding and supportive family who left me alone and  made their own suppers. 
• Emotional upheaval.

Challenges and distractions to overcome:

• Stomach flu!
• Emotional upheaval. 

Odd sources of inspiration:

• My own “Magna Carta” lists. (Two lists made before starting your novel. “What makes a good book?” and “What makes a dreadful, hideous, boring book?” –  From pages 85-88 of No Plot? No Problem! by NaNoWriMo founder, Chris Baty.

Day 5

Word count

• 1562 / 11250

Encouragements/helps:

• Wrote in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep.

Challenges and distractions to overcome:

• Sleepiness, lingering nausea from stomach flu. 
• Had to work first shift (6:30 am – 3:30 pm) Thursday, which meant that as I as writing, I knew I was using up precious “getting ready for work” sleep time. Also, Thursday is freight day, a source of swollen feet and achy muscles, so I was dreading that as well.

Odd sources of inspiration:

• Sims 3. (A Sim I made, then abandoned to create a new and more interesting Sim, started a life on her own and really screwed things up. I felt guilty for abandoning her. Yes, I’m a nerd. Shut up.)