…she said, peevishly.


aka Kel doesn’t have PMS. She just feels like bitching commiserating today

Stuff that irritates the ever lovin’ crap outta me, in random order.

1. The termCozy mystery.” I like a good mystery as much as the next person, and I know the ‘cozy’ is supposed to make me think of curling up with a nice book on a big, comfy chair, wrapped in a homemade fleece quilt, on a cold winter day, in front of a beautiful stone fireplace, with a mug of hot cocoa (floating with white, fluffy marshmallows) sitting in front of me on a battered-but-quaint coffee table. It doesn’t. It makes me think of a group of conniving marketing executives sitting in a large, cold office in the middle of NY frigging C, trying to figure out how to get the unwashed masses to want to buy a mystery book. Dudes, it’s a fucking mystery book! We’re gonna buy it!

2.Acupuncture.” If you want to get me into an office and stick me with thousands of sharp, tiny pins, you really need to leave the word “puncture” out of the equation. Take a lesson from traditional medicine. My mother, for example, is called a Phlebotomist, not a Lady Who Sticks You With A Needle And Sucks Out Vials Worth Of Your Blood.

C. Designated hitter. In this case, it’s not the term I hate; it’s the thing. Attention American League: make your pitchers go up to bat, the way real men are supposed to.

4. Snarky news reporting. I recently read an article about a former college football player in West Virginia who’s settled down to raise a family instead of going onto sports greatness. Apparently, he’s put on a lot of weight in the past year or two. Those are facts. Speculating on how many donuts it took to pack on those pounds…not so much. I suppose y’all think it’s a way of keeping up with the times and appealing to younger readers. It isn’t. It makes you look like assholes. Stick to the facts. Leave the snark for the comments section.

5. Perez Hilton.

6. Broken coffee makers. Seriously, is it too much to ask a free, plastic, 2-cup Gevalia coffee maker to work for more than a year? I don’t care if I do have hard water that screws with your innards. I need some goddamn coffee!

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About R.J. Keller

R. J. Keller is the author of Waiting For Spring. An avid independent movie enthusiast, she was Managing Editor of The Movie Fanatic website and created episodes of the writer-centric YouTube series, Inside The Writers' Studio, with author Kristen Tsetsi. She co-hosted Book Chatter with Stacey Cochran from 2011-2014. She lives in Central Maine with her family, where she enjoys gardening, collecting geeky memorabilia, and watching other people cook. View all posts by R.J. Keller

3 responses to “…she said, peevishly.

  • bunnygirl

    Yeah, I thought the story about the former athlete was a bit low, too, and don’t even get me started on folks who are famous for being famous and don’t actually have brains or talent and aren’t even attractive.

    I see you’re a Maelstrom groupie now. Would you like your blog to be on the Favorite Venues list? Just let me know.

  • robinaltman

    That was highly satisfying! I love listening to people bitch! I love bitching, too! Bitching is the bestest!

    I agree with all of these complaints, but particularly 3. WTF? That means there are some guys who can just hit but do nothing else. If you’re a pitcher who can’t hit you should be penalized for that lack by being less desirable. Like real life, Dufus Boys.

    What about Paris Hilton? She’s lying low, but she’s just as annoying deep down.

  • rjkeller

    I would love that, BG!!! 🙂

    Robin, Paris really is annoying. I almost put her on my list. But for some reason, Perez bugs me even more.

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