I don’t want a cookie, dammit!


Tonight at work, I was relating a story to a regular customer–who also happens to be a friend (we’ll call him “Nate”)–about a husband and wife who came into the store yesterday. The wife had come in earlier in the day to pick up a bag of loose tobacco for the husband and had apparently brought home the wrong kind…full flavor instead of light. He stood there, in a crowded store, verbally berating her for the mistake. It was pretty disturbing. When he was done, he asked me if I’d exchange it for a bag of light tobacco. We happened to be out. I informed the asshole. He gave me a look that made me think I was next on his verbal hitlist, so (as I explained to “Nate”) I gave him a look that let him know I wasn’t gonna take any shit. I then demonstrated the look I gave the jerk.

I wasn’t able to finish the story (which ends with him returning the tobacco for a full refund, without giving me a verbal berating) because “Nate” broke out into what I will here call hysterical laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“You. Was that supposed to be a dirty look?”

“Well…yeah. It was.”

“Because you’re not scaring me at all with that. It just makes me want to pat you on the head and give you a cookie.”

If I was a guy I’d feel so emasculated right now. What’s the word to use when that happens to a chick?

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About R.J. Keller

R. J. Keller is the author of Waiting For Spring. An avid independent movie enthusiast, she was Managing Editor of The Movie Fanatic website and created episodes of the writer-centric YouTube series, Inside The Writers' Studio, with author Kristen Tsetsi. She co-hosted Book Chatter with Stacey Cochran from 2011-2014. She lives in Central Maine with her family, where she enjoys gardening, collecting geeky memorabilia, and watching other people cook. View all posts by R.J. Keller

5 responses to “I don’t want a cookie, dammit!

  • hoosiertoo

    Mmmmf. Won’t – go – there.

    LMAO, though.

  • Kit Courteney

    Oh I know what you mean. There must be a word for it. Buggered if I know though. It’s probably very obvious which makes it worse.

    (That’ll have me chuckling all day now!)

  • Robin

    I think you were defeminated. That wasn’t very nice. Tell him that your hair is full of poison needles, and if he patted you on the head he’s go into death spasms for hours. Hmmmmf.

  • spyscribbler

    Defeminated, I love that, LOL! I think you should use Robin’s poison story.

    That’s awful, that jerk.

  • R.J. Keller

    Hi all!

    Actually, he’s a super nice guy. My post was mostly tongue-in-cheek. Since “Nate” reads this blog, I hope he got that…

    (…Kel slinks quietly away…)

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