I’ve never eaten filet mignon before. Don’t feel sorry for me, though.

It’s like this: I know it’s expensive and that I’ll rarely be able to eat it and I’m so afraid that I’ll really like it and then come to the sad realization that I’ll rarely be able to eat it. “What if I get addicted to it?” I ask myself. “Would I then be forced into a life of crime in order to support my filet mignon habit?” That possibility is just too scary to contemplate and so I have resigned myself to a filet mignonless life. Instead I’ll stick with what is safe. There is no way, for example, that I will ever get addicted to meatloaf.