Idol for Writers – Week 2 Entry


Voting for week two is now completed. Yours truly survived another week (seventh out of forty-one) with the following entry on the assigned topic, “Broken.”

~~~~~

He wasn’t surprised to hear the knock on his door, even though it was nearly midnight. He’d been expecting it for almost a month, half hoping each night that she’d work up the nerve so they could just get it over with.

She looked almost regal, standing there on his battered porch, dripping with wealth. She’d even had the audacity to wear her gaudy diamond wedding ring. He wasn’t irritated by it, though. It seemed fitting. She’d come here to proposition him, but she still needed to keep him in his place.

Finally she spoke. “I understand you’re finished with remodeling our kitchen.”

He nodded.

“I suppose that means we won’t be seeing you at the house again anytime soon.”

He nodded again, not giving her so much as a smile. If she wanted him, she’d have to come out with it. So she pressed on, annoyed, but too desperate to walk away.

“I…heard your girlfriend left you.”

It was actually the other way around, but he didn’t correct her. It didn’t matter. The result was the same. He was still left with nothing but a bruised ego, an empty heart, and something to prove.

And this rich, beautiful woman had knocked on his door, begging him to prove it.

But he’d been with this kind of woman before. She’d wasted her youth on a man who would toss her aside when Youth was gone. She knew it. And now she was empty, just like him. She practically reeked of it.

I need. I want. Give me.

Because she had nothing left to give.

Neither did he. So he closed the door without a word. Because he wasn’t that broken. Not yet.

I am not Tess Dyer

I know it’s not uncommon for a first novel to be at least semi-autobiographical, and judging by the sympathetic tone of some of the emails I’ve been getting lately, it seems that a lot of you think that’s the case with Waiting For Spring. Thankfully, I can say that it isn’t. Tess and I share some similarities: eye color, short stature, a tendency towards being a smart ass. We’re both avid Red Sox fans and both live in Small Town, Maine. I used my own ‘voice’–so to speak–for the narration. (Tackling the task of writing a first novel was much less daunting that way.) But the actual events of her life were in no way taken from mine. I sat down to write WFS over two-and-a-half-years ago with absolutely no plot in mind. I had no specific axes to grind, no confessions to make, no burdens with anyone’s name stamped in big, block letters to set down. Just thirty-five-and-a-half years of being a human being to sort through and a certainty that I had the talent to make something out of it.

I had been abandoned by someone who should have stayed around, then given the Someone who took his place a ration and a half of shit. Groaned about the minor imperfections of my mother, only to count my blessings when confronted with the gross imperfections of the mothers of some of my friends. I had loved and lost, then loved again. Shed tears with friends as they struggled with the heartbreak that comes when a mate has been unfaithful, and later thanked God out loud that it wasn’t me. Watched other friends who were too young being buried in the cold, hard ground.

I had known what it was like to wonder where my next meal was coming from when my husband lost his job, making due for weeks with mac & cheese and tunafish, grateful that there was such a thing as government aid to help us through the roughest spots; then grumbled as I watched people who’d never worked a day in their lives buying lobster with their food stamps. I had trusted people who didn’t deserve it, and turned my back on people who did. I found out what it’s like to not tell someone “I love you” in time, then vow to never make that mistake again; knowing full well that I probably will. I found out, too, that forgiveness works both ways.

There was a summer when it seemed everyone I knew who wasn’t in rehab should’ve been. An autumn when my brother was so sick that I prayed for God to take him away, to end his suffering; only to thank Him profusely as I watched my brother walk out of the hospital a week later. Moments when I looked at the ungrateful faces of the children I’d fought Nature to conceive and wondered why the hell I’d bothered; only to be followed by moments I couldn’t remember what life had been like before it had been blessed with their laughter. Dark times–even the happiest couples have them–when I had imagined what life would be like if I was on my own, single and carefree again; only to have those empty images blow away like ash when I heard the sound of my name in his voice…

So, although I can say that the novel is not factually autobiographical, I will admit that it is, perhaps, emotionally autobiographical. Still…I am not Tess Dyer.

I am not Tess Dyer

I know it’s not uncommon for a first novel to be at least semi-autobiographical, and judging by the sympathetic tone of some of the emails I’ve been getting lately, it seems that a lot of you think that’s the case with Waiting For Spring. Thankfully, I can say that it isn’t. Tess and I share some similarities: eye color, short stature, a tendency towards being a smart ass. We’re both avid Red Sox fans and both live in Small Town, Maine. I used my own ‘voice’–so to speak–for the narration. (Tackling the task of writing a first novel was much less daunting that way.) But the actual events of her life were in no way taken from mine*.

I sat down to write WFS over two-and-a-half-years ago with absolutely no plot in mind. I had no specific axes to grind, no confessions to make, no burdens with anyone’s name stamped in big, block letters to set down. Just thirty-five-and-a-half years of being a human being to sort through and a certainty that I had the talent to make something out of it.

I had been abandoned by someone who should have stayed around, then given the Someone who took his place a ration and a half of shit. Groaned about the minor imperfections of my mother*, only to count my blessings when confronted with the gross imperfections of the mothers of some of my friends. I had loved and lost, then loved again. Shed tears with friends as they struggled with the heartbreak that comes when a mate has been unfaithful, and later thanked God out loud that it wasn’t me. Watched other friends who were too young being buried in the cold, hard ground.

I had known what it was like to wonder where my next meal was coming from when my husband lost his job, making due for weeks with mac & cheese and tunafish, grateful that there was such a thing as government aid to help us through the roughest spots; then grumbled as I watched people who’d never worked a day in their lives buying lobster with their food stamps. I had trusted people who didn’t deserve it, and turned my back on people who did. I found out what it’s like to not tell someone “I love you” in time, then vow to never make that mistake again; knowing full well that I probably will. I found out, too, that forgiveness works both ways.

There was a summer when it seemed everyone I knew who wasn’t in rehab should’ve been. An autumn when my brother was so sick that I prayed for God to take him away, to end his suffering; only to watch him walk out of the hospital a week later. Moments when I looked at the ungrateful faces of the children I’d fought Nature to conceive and wondered why the hell I’d bothered; only to be followed by moments I couldn’t remember what life had been like before it had been blessed with their laughter. Dark times–even the happiest couples have them–when I had imagined what life would be like if I was on my own, single and carefree again; only to have those empty images blow away like ash when I heard the sound of my name in his voice…

So, no, I am not Tess Dyer. At least, not really. Or, if I am, maybe you are, too.

*I feel especially compelled, now that Chapter 38 of WFS (aka the chapter in which Tess makes her Confession From Hell) has been posted at Readers and Writers Blog, to reiterate that Tess’ mother is in no way based on mine. (Yes, she has recently confided in me her fear that people will think this.) So once again…My mother is not an insane, selfish psycho bitch. She is an amazing, supportive, if slightly off-center, mother who gave up a lot in raising my brothers and me, and set the ultimate example of what it means to be a Mom.

In addition, Chapter 39 of WFS and chapters 14 and 15 of Ann M. Pino’s Steal Tomorrow have been posted in the New Works at R&WBlog. (If you haven’t read any of Steal Tomorrow yet, do yourself a favor and get on it. It’s that good.)

Idol for Writers – Week 1 entry


Well, your favorite short, chubby, bespectacled writer from Maine survived week one of the LJ Idol For Writers. I finished third out of fifty-seven with the following entry, the assigned topic being “New Beginnings.”

The morning he decided to stop drinking, John woke up on the bathroom floor, a mound of cat shit three inches from his nose. He couldn’t blame poor old Lucy. Three hours earlier he had puked in her litter box and it seemed fitting: shit for tat.

He stood up slowly, clutching his throbbing head. The stench of combined waste sent him diving once more for the toilet, and this time his aim was mercifully accurate. He stumbled into the shower a few minutes later, but it did nothing to refresh him. Each droplet was a tiny, torturous needle, prickly reminders of his sins, of all he had lost. Wife-son-daughter-job. Car.

Naked in his bedroom, he tried to piece together the forgotten events of the night before. His rumpled, unmade bed was nothing new, and itself not a helpful clue, but it did reveal a stain on his sheet and some blonde strands on his pillowcase. And as he pulled on his pants, he tried to remember what she’d looked like. If she had been any good. If he had been.

He dragged himself into the kitchen, tripping over the pile of garbage strewn across the floor. Lucy had knocked the trash can over the day before, in search of food. She had apparently feasted on Chicken McNuggets, a meal John had discarded three days earlier, having settled instead on Jack Daniels. Now the empty bottle taunted his shaking hands from the countertop. It lay next to an empty bag of Kibbles N’ Bits. Lucy rubbed herself against his ankle, an appeal, not for attention, but for food. He reached down and scratched behind her ear anyway, suddenly hungry for a display of honest affection. She bit his hand.

He rummaged through his wallet, wondering whether he had enough money stashed away for a small bag of cat food. He was in luck. Six one-dollar bills. His gaze fell once more onto his messy countertop, shifting from the empty bottle to the empty cat food bag, then to his empty cat, who was now howling in obvious distress. From outside, a squeal of childish delight joined her cries, piercing his still-aching head. It belonged, he knew, to his neighbor’s nine-year-old daughter. He struggled to think of her name, but could only remember that it started with an M.

And his hands would not stop shaking…

~~~~~

An hour later, the late morning sun beat down on Lucy as she rested, full-bellied, on a warm, sweet-smelling lawn. Nine-year-old Madison beamed just as brightly as she skipped rope on the driveway a few feet away.

“Just five more minutes, Fluffy,” she said. “Then we can go inside for lunch.”

Lucy licked her paw contentedly, not seeming to mind the indignity of her new name. And she pretended not to notice John as he hurried past her, toward his dilapidated trailer, clutching a brand new pint of cheap whiskey.

Idol for Writers – Week 1 entry


Well, your favorite short, chubby, bespectacled writer from Maine survived week one of the LJ Idol For Writers. I finished third out of fifty-seven with the following entry, the assigned topic being “New Beginnings.”

The morning he decided to stop drinking, John woke up on the bathroom floor, a mound of cat shit three inches from his nose. He couldn’t blame poor old Lucy. Three hours earlier he had puked in her litter box and it seemed fitting: shit for tat.

He stood up slowly, clutching his throbbing head. The stench of combined waste sent him diving once more for the toilet, and this time his aim was mercifully accurate. He stumbled into the shower a few minutes later, but it did nothing to refresh him. Each droplet was a tiny, torturous needle, prickly reminders of his sins, of all he had lost. Wife-son-daughter-job. Car.

Naked in his bedroom, he tried to piece together the forgotten events of the night before. His rumpled, unmade bed was nothing new, and itself not a helpful clue, but it did reveal a stain on his sheet and some blonde strands on his pillowcase. And as he pulled on his pants, he tried to remember what she’d looked like. If she had been any good. If he had been.

He dragged himself into the kitchen, tripping over the pile of garbage strewn across the floor. Lucy had knocked the trash can over the day before, in search of food. She had apparently feasted on Chicken McNuggets, a meal John had discarded three days earlier, having settled instead on Jack Daniels. Now the empty bottle taunted his shaking hands from the countertop. It lay next to an empty bag of Kibbles N’ Bits. Lucy rubbed herself against his ankle, an appeal, not for attention, but for food. He reached down and scratched behind her ear anyway, suddenly hungry for a display of honest affection. She bit his hand.

He rummaged through his wallet, wondering whether he had enough money stashed away for a small bag of cat food. He was in luck. Six one-dollar bills. His gaze fell once more onto his messy countertop, shifting from the empty bottle to the empty cat food bag, then to his empty cat, who was now howling in obvious distress. From outside, a squeal of childish delight joined her cries, piercing his still-aching head. It belonged, he knew, to his neighbor’s nine-year-old daughter. He struggled to think of her name, but could only remember that it started with an M.

And his hands would not stop shaking…

~~~~~

An hour later, the late morning sun beat down on Lucy as she rested, full-bellied, on a warm, sweet-smelling lawn. Nine-year-old Madison beamed just as brightly as she skipped rope on the driveway a few feet away.

“Just five more minutes, Fluffy,” she said. “Then we can go inside for lunch.”

Lucy licked her paw contentedly, not seeming to mind the indignity of her new name. And she pretended not to notice John as he hurried past her, toward his dilapidated trailer, clutching a brand new pint of cheap whiskey.

Some Star Wars geekery

My buddy, JC, recently posted a blog entry about the Star Wars prequels in which he said: “The new ‘trilogy’ is not nearly as bad as so many make it sound. In some ways, I like it as much as the original ‘trilogy.'” I have known him for several years, and we have had many heated discussions about the topic. We finally had to agree to disagree.

Recently, however, I reached the point where I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoy watching the new trilogy in its entirety. Ewan McGregor rocks as young Obi-Wan (and I’m not just saying that because he’s hot, although he is); the politics are not only interesting, but relevent (possibly prophetic?) to today; Mace Windu and his Purple Lightsaber of Awesomeness are the coolest characters to ihhabit any of the six movies; and the fiery showdown between Anakin and Obi-Wan in Episosde 3 has got to be the most exciting [insert correct number of] minutes ever put to film. I do have many problems with the movies, though, and I will enumerate them for you:

1. Character development of Padme.

Lucas was all over the place here. Episode 1 establishes Padme Amidala as a strong, but fair, leader, willing to sacrifice herself for the good of her people. Episode 2 picks up with her as a Senator who is just as noble. She’s obviously attracted to Anakin, but tells him to buzz off because the Republic is falling apart and there are more important things to worry about than gettin’ a little nookie on the side. And then, out of the blue, she’s willing to put that all at risk by marrying the whiney pinhead? It wasn’t until I watched the deleted scenes on the DVD that I could see where she was coming from. They show Padme with her family, including her two young nieces, which allows you to see some internal conflict: She felt compelled to remain in public service, because of the political upheaval, but ached to have a life (and a family) of her own. Lucas would have done well to include these scenes. They took up very little screen time, were actually well done, and would have made her sudden capitulation seem not-so-sudden. And don’t even get me started on the Padme-died-of-a-broken-heart thing.

2. Dialogue.

Yes, I know it was cringe-worthy in the original trilogy, but Lucas hit new lows in the prequel, especially–again–with the Anakin/Padme love story. The hairbrush/balcony scene in Episode 3 has got to be the most excrutiating [insert correct number of] minutes ever put to film. When compared to the banter and sexual tension between Han Solo and Princess Leia in The Empire Strikes Back…well, there really is no comparison. And the fact that all of the good stuff in Empire was ad-libbed by Harrison Ford speaks volumes.

3. That damned pod race.

It was twice as long as it needed to be. Even in the theater, the first time I saw episode 1, I found myself saying, “ENOUGH ALREADY!!! You have pretty new CGI toys to use…we get it…now let’s move on!!!!”


4. Jar Jar Binks.

Yes, the Ewoks were annoying. But at least they didn’t have the ability to speak which–as Qui Gon aptly observed–“does not make you intelligent.”

C3PO and R2D2 provided all of the “comic relief” necessary. We didn’t need this guy.

Most of the other concerns I have are relatively minor, and not worth mentioning. Stay tuned, though. In another 15 years or so, I’m sure George Lucas will have CGI’d in a whole new slew of things for me to complain about…

~~~~~~~~

Today is Sunday, and you know what that means. New stuff is up at Readers and Writers Blog. Mr. Sid Leavitt has much to say about the $700 billion gov’t bailout plan; more badness on the homefront–and then some badness off the homefront–for poor Tess in chapters 36 and 37 of Waiting For Spring; and some very powerful things are going down in Cassie’s world in chapters 12 and 13 of Steal Tomorrow.

In other news, voting continues at the Live Journal Writers’ Idol. Once the results are in, I’ll let you know how week 1 went for me, and I’ll post my entry here.

Some Star Wars geekery

My buddy, JC, recently posted a blog entry about the Star Wars prequels in which he said: “The new ‘trilogy’ is not nearly as bad as so many make it sound. In some ways, I like it as much as the original ‘trilogy.'” I have known him for several years, and we have had many heated discussions about the topic. We finally had to agree to disagree.

Recently, however, I reached the point where I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoy watching the new trilogy in its entirety. Ewan McGregor rocks as young Obi-Wan (and I’m not just saying that because he’s hot, although he is); the politics are not only interesting, but relevent (possibly prophetic?) to today; Mace Windu and his Purple Lightsaber of Awesomeness are the coolest characters to ihhabit any of the six movies; and the fiery showdown between Anakin and Obi-Wan in Episosde 3 has got to be the most exciting [insert correct number of] minutes ever put to film. I do have many problems with the movies, though, and I will enumerate them for you:

1. Character development of Padme.

Lucas was all over the place here. Episode 1 establishes Padme Amidala as a strong, but fair, leader, willing to sacrifice herself for the good of her people. Episode 2 picks up with her as a Senator who is just as noble. She’s obviously attracted to Anakin, but tells him to buzz off because the Republic is falling apart and there are more important things to worry about than gettin’ a little nookie on the side. And then, out of the blue, she’s willing to put that all at risk by marrying the whiney pinhead? It wasn’t until I watched the deleted scenes on the DVD that I could see where she was coming from. They show Padme with her family, including her two young nieces, which allows you to see some internal conflict: She felt compelled to remain in public service, because of the political upheaval, but ached to have a life (and a family) of her own. Lucas would have done well to include these scenes. They took up very little screen time, were actually well done, and would have made her sudden capitulation seem not-so-sudden. And don’t even get me started on the Padme-died-of-a-broken-heart thing.

2. Dialogue.

Yes, I know it was cringe-worthy in the original trilogy, but Lucas hit new lows in the prequel, especially–again–with the Anakin/Padme love story. The hairbrush/balcony scene in Episode 3 has got to be the most excrutiating [insert correct number of] minutes ever put to film. When compared to the banter and sexual tension between Han Solo and Princess Leia in The Empire Strikes Back…well, there really is no comparison. And the fact that all of the good stuff in Empire was ad-libbed by Harrison Ford speaks volumes.

3. That damned pod race.

It was twice as long as it needed to be. Even in the theater, the first time I saw episode 1, I found myself saying, “ENOUGH ALREADY!!! You have pretty new CGI toys to use…we get it…now let’s move on!!!!”


4. Jar Jar Binks.

Yes, the Ewoks were annoying. But at least they didn’t have the ability to speak which–as Qui Gon aptly observed–“does not make you intelligent.”

C3PO and R2D2 provided all of the “comic relief” necessary. We didn’t need this guy.

Most of the other concerns I have are relatively minor, and not worth mentioning. Stay tuned, though. In another 15 years or so, I’m sure George Lucas will have CGI’d in a whole new slew of things for me to complain about…

~~~~~~~~

Today is Sunday, and you know what that means. New stuff is up at Readers and Writers Blog. Mr. Sid Leavitt has much to say about the $700 billion gov’t bailout plan; more badness on the homefront–and then some badness off the homefront–for poor Tess in chapters 36 and 37 of Waiting For Spring; and some very powerful things are going down in Cassie’s world in chapters 12 and 13 of Steal Tomorrow.

In other news, voting continues at the Live Journal Writers’ Idol. Once the results are in, I’ll let you know how week 1 went for me, and I’ll post my entry here.

Banned Books Week


Today begins Banned Books week. To celebrate I’m re-reading a frequently banned book, Of Mice And Men by John Steinbeck. I chose it because:

1. I like it.
2. I haven’t read it for a long time.
3. It’s short, and will be easy to read in what will be a very busy week for me.

For more information on Banned Books Week (sponsored by the American Library Association) check out this website.