A grumpy lady gets an award


I’ll admit it. I was grumpy at work yesterday. I tried not to be, but I couldn’t help it. There was the whole “I’m sick but have to work anyway” thing. There was the whole snowstorm thing, which meant I had to do more shoveling. (Thankfully, it was a light, powdery snow, and not a wet, two-ton snow like last week.) Then there was the usual customer bullshit thing. I didn’t actually tell any customers off, because I generally behave myself in that regard, but I did write a song about them during my nine hours there, which I sang in my mind. The refrain goes like this:

I hate you.
I hate you.
I fucking hate you all.
I hate every goddamn one of you.
I fucking hate you all.

The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that my dear family was DVR-ing “24” for me so I could watch it when I got home. Even if I’m not permitted by both of my morals, and supposedly by federal law, to torture well-deserving shitheads in my own profession, I can enjoy watching Jack Bauer do it in his. Living vicariously, if you know what I mean, through him. It’s what TV is all about.

Well, guess what? My loving family forgot to DVR the damned show.

I didn’t make up a nasty, profanity-laced song for them. Partly because it goes against both of my morals to treat my family that way, and partly because I’m not much of a songwriter. One per day is my quota. Instead I grumbled about ingratitude and laziness (as though I’d never made a mistake in my life), sat down at my computer, and perused a few of my favorite blogs. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that my good buddy Lori Tiron-Pandit had honored me with a “Love Ya” award.

The award is meant for blogs characterized by the following: These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.

The truth is, I feel a little undeserving of it at the moment. Can a lady who composes venomous songs and mutters under her breath about her beloved family be considered “exceedingly charming” and/or “kind”? I don’t know, but I’m accepting the award anyway. Partly because I really like the picture that comes along with it, and partly because there are times when I am kind. But mostly it’s because I think a lot of Lori and am very flattered that she thinks so highly of me. So thank you, Lori.

Now it’s my turn to hand it over to three of my writer-blogger buddies. Not easy, of course, since I know so many amazing writers. (Just check out my blog roll and the new, not yet completed, “Recommended Stuff” page.) Still, I must do it, so here goes:

1. Robin Altman, for not only writing an insightful (and hilarious!) book about child psychiatry that could have been called, “How To Not Kill Your Kids” (actual title: “Shrink Rap”), but for opening up about such stuff in a similarly hilarious way on her blog. “Phew! It’s not just me!” is a good feeling. 

2. Joe Glasgow, poet extraordinaire. A thoughtful man with a deep conscience. Very much a modern troubadour.

3. FloridaCat, because it takes a TRUE talent to write poetry about dog turd. I really mean that.

The award itself is right here. (As you can see, I made a non-girly version for you, JG.)

                 

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch Jack. (Thank Bob for Hulu!)

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About R.J. Keller

R. J. Keller is the author of Waiting For Spring. An avid independent movie enthusiast, she was Managing Editor of The Movie Fanatic website and created episodes of the writer-centric YouTube series, Inside The Writers' Studio, with author Kristen Tsetsi. She co-hosted Book Chatter with Stacey Cochran from 2011-2014. She lives in Central Maine with her family, where she enjoys gardening, collecting geeky memorabilia, and watching other people cook. View all posts by R.J. Keller

7 responses to “A grumpy lady gets an award

  • Kit Courteney

    Have you any idea how funny you are?

    You genuinely make me chuckle like a loon.

    Not always good in company but when alone it’s like a guilty pleasure.

    Did that come out right…?

    (I’m saying ‘fuck’ in a VERY English accent… )

  • Joe Glasgow

    So, you have a song now? Sometimes the angry suff is good for writing a song…more raw and powerful. Oh so cheeky. And that’s a good thing.

    Now it is bad when you miss your favourite show and someone forgets to record it. (But at least it appears you are getting to see it.)

    As for the “Love Ya” award, I’m highly honoured…and a bit speechless…I thank you very much. But I do have to give my thanks to you for introducing me to all these different websites and such. So yeah…thanks a million, Kel!

  • bunnygirl

    Nice ditty! I have days when I want to sing that about the whole world!

    And then I get over it.

    I’m sure it was just the cold meds talking yesterday. Anyone would be grumpy at having to work with customers when sick. I just hope you passed the germs along to those who deserved them.

  • robinaltman

    Thank you so much, Kel! I love my shiny award! I’m going to blow it up and hang it above our living room mantle. It’s sooooo pretty!

    Sorry about the cold, Dudette. But a brilliant piece of poetry came out of your travails. It has really nice rhythm. I like how you accent “I fucking hate you all”. Very effective.

    Now I’m going to go read Joe’s poop poetry.

  • Lori Tiron-Pandit

    What a great song. I want is as a ringtone!

  • I inspire passion!!!!!!!!!! « Ingenious Title To Appear Here Later

    […] even friendship with them. That’s been the case with me and my regular customers (well…most days anyway). And when a customer/friend spends $20+ per day on gas at your place of employment so he can […]

  • Ing

    There’s a song out there by Godsmack that pretty well echoes yours. I dunno about the tune, but the lyrics and sentiment are the same. And the title, too: “I Fucking Hate You.” This band is nothing if not subtle. 🙂 It works for me on those sorts of days.

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